The Complexities of Death

I attended a funeral yesterday. One of J.R.s co-workers committed suicide. At lunch J.R. and I were discussing, well, I said, that I think it takes a lot of courage for a person to kill themselves. J.R. immediately disagreed by saying that it is so much easier to escape than to deal with issues.

I feel that even though suicide might seem like an easy way out, it is not. You have to think of the planning that goes involved in the process. First, you have to think of how. Next, you have to deal with the fact that you will never see your loved ones again and how much grief you will put them through. After that, the person needs to be certain that the afterlife is better than the situation that they are currently in. That itself takes a lot of guts.
What gets to me the most is that death is actually an option. Dying, doing all the steps, is better than dealing with the issues you currently living.

The Funeral House was packed, there were over 200 people. One by one - niece, colleague, brother and friend got up and spoke about how great this guy was. They shared memories and even though I did not know the deceased well the stories brought tears to my eyes. It was a sad afternoon.

After the memorial service I thought of the deceased's wife, they had been married for 23 years! Her husband committed suicide while she was out of town. When she got home she found his body. In my case, I don't know if I would be angry at him for leaving me to find his body alone or angrier for knowing that my love for him could not save him.